Crazy Crap Item #108: The part where I am chided by cousin Tom

Yes, I've been negligent. I've not blogged for a long time. And of those many of you who have complained, no one has been more bitter than my cousin Tom (commemorated previously here).

But unlike most the layabouts who complain about my lack of bloggery, Tom actually supplied something to fill in the gap left by my sloth. To wit, a tale of Montana madness:

I have one for you.

Last Saturday I had a bonfire party, burning up a small portion of the plethora of dead wood decorating my property. As my neighbor Chris ( as in Christine) lugged a 4 foot log toward the fire to add to its warmth, she slipped on an icy bit and went down hard, landing with a thump. Her comment, "SHIT! I landed on a knot and I think I broke a rib". She waved her arms around and you could here sort of a clicking noise. We had another beer and discussed if she should go to the emergency room or not, her point being that with a broken rib all they can do is to take it easy for a while. Eventually that clicking noise (which she insisted on exhibiting between glugs) convinced her husband to take her to the hospital. So, off they went to the local Marcus Daly Hospital (known locally as Carcass Daily) (no offence). When they got there the doors to the emergency entrance were locked. They beat on the glass for a while until a couple people showed up, apparently torn away from some really good TV show, but they didn't know how to open the doors. After much pantomime through the glass, my friends indicated they were sorry for the disturbance and that they would make the hour drive to hospital in Missoula. The doors were open in Missoula, X-rays and such, yes, the #10 rib is broken, can't really do much but tell you to take it easy, let pain be your guide, take some pain killers, here is a prescription. Too bad Chris's husband left his wallet at home and and she had no cash. After a combined pocket scrape and car search, with the surprise discovery of forgotten money, they came up with $41. The subscription (at the only all-night drugstore in Missoula) was $40 and change. The allergic reaction began about the time they got home, which is to say much vomiting - a lovely thing with a broken rib. Chris is a hardy Montana woman and she gutted it out until Monday after work, when she and her husband dropped by the local medical clinic to see if they could get her a pain killer that didn't make her barf. While there, she happened to mention that she was having some trouble breathing and she was sort of "puffy" from her waist to her neck. The doctor pulled her husband aside and said he had two choices - either call an ambulance, or take her directly ("and don't stop anywhere along the way") back to the hospital. Yes, indeed, all that vomiting in reaction to the pain killers had caused her broken rib to puncture her lung. As this is written, almost a week later, she has a suction tube in her sucking out liquid. Ah, the wonders of modern medicine. We should have had another beer and passed on the hospital. After all, all they can do is tell you to take it easy.

That is crazy crap Montana style.

Mountain Man Tom