Crazy Crap Item #197: The part where Jack demonstrates his knowledge

So, since surgery for me is looming, and since it so perfectly coincides with our upcoming block party, I felt it was prudent to prepare my young friends for my lack of participation in said festivities. I'm hoping to muster, post-fibroid-removal, at most a hearty lawnchair sitting. And since James, who cannot see me in the vicinity of grass without demanding that I spin him around or hoist him upon my shoulder, I decided a few weeks of knowing such frolics were not forthcoming would be advisable.

I would be going to the hospital the day before, I explained. There were some nasty sores they needed to take out of my belly. Then I would come home, but I would have to rest a lot, what with all the doctors having been in my belly and all.

James looked concerned. "How will they go in your belly without hurting you," he queried.

"They have special medicine," I explained, "that keeps it from hurting."

"Oh, yes, medicine." Jack intoned, with a blase-ness one never quite expects from a six-year-old. "Morphine."

Oh, how fast they grow up.

Crazy Crap Item #196: The part where Sailor Jack cracks wise

My dad, for an old duffer, is an unstoppable email machine. Early and often, I receive missives from him, updating me as to daily doings and offering observations as they strike him.

To wit, today's email, which comments upon an old WWII film:

DBK [his nickname for me. It's short for "Doctor Baby Kay"],

Watching "They Were Expendable" I noticed all the officers had nicknames. There is Rusty, Shorty, Lucky, etc. I can see a poor ensign showing up later in the war and asking "Why do I have the nickname Poo Poo Head? And they would say "You waited until all the good ones were gone". Happy Gay Pride Day parade.

Love to both.

Dad

Crazy Crap Item #195: The part where James clarifies

This past Sunday, I had the pleasure of passing some time with the Casey boys, all three of them. It was a blessedly lovely evening--the air newly pummeled from earlier hail storms--and the Casey ensemble was attending to their remarkable tomato patch.

As Jim (big daddy) focused his attention on the binding of chicken wire, James (age 3) entertained me with his ever-popular "Woofy Dance," while Jack (age 6) undertook to transform every item within reach into a form of firearm.

As we chatted of this and that, Jim announced that James had learned the song "Puff the Magic Dragon." I indicated that nothing would please me more than to hear his rendition.

With gusto, he started in:

"Puff the Magic Dragon lived by the sea."

Then concluded his performance with a loud, conspiratorial stage whisper:

"It's about dragons."

Crazy Crap Item #194: The part where I am brimming with useful suggestions

Once again, Eamon is marching in the Gay Pride Parade. Faithful readers will recall that this is not his first such experience. I speak, of course, of last year's entry, with the Windy City Rollers, as a robot.

Today, he tells me that he is again set to march. This time, their team theme is "Sailors." What should he wear?, he asks.

I suggest he clad himself in one of those enormous mock-derrieres one sees so often at Halloween parties, and go as a rear admiral.

I am ostracized.

Crazy Crap Item #193: The part where Kristen cites a reliable source

As many know, the last few years can be thought of as "Adventures in Baby Delaying" for Eamon and myself. And me, well, I'm not getting any younger.

So it was that Eamon and went in for a battery of tests to determine what's what and get an expert to help us nudge things along. The news was largely good; all our nibbles and bits seem to be in good working order. Upon closer examination, however, it was determined that I am harboring some not very felicitous uterine fibroids. Not to go into grisly detail, it seems these little benign nub-ules are pushing into my baby sleigh, and making things just a bit too crowded for all concerned (or at least, that is the suspicion). So yank 'em out, the experts say!

And, it seems, the experts need a helping hand to make things happen. A robot to be precise. Seems that wee, tiny robots are all the rage in fibroid-removal circles, and me, I'm never one to miss out on a fad. So robots it is.

I conveyed as much to my good friend, Ms. Kristen Freilich. Good friend that she is, Kristen did some scrupulous research, and sent me this encouraging email of support:

Subject: Good News!

Hi kay. after i found this in USA Today I started to feel better about your surgery. i think you are going to be just fine!



And below her message, she included the following:

Which led to this exchange:

kaydaly88: USA today?
krispe22: i made that part up
kaydaly88: yeah.
krispe22: but otherwise i was afraid you woudln't take it seriously

That's what friends are for.

Crazy Crap Item #192: The part where I overhear a notable conversation

Our block party was this past Saturday. I will comment more later upon that matter. In the meantime, I'd like to share a snippet of conversation I overheard involving a group of three girls, ages 6 through 8.

It was a steamy day, our block party saturday, so I offered to hook up my fabulous Pirates of the Caribbean sprinkler. Three small girls agreed this would be a good idea.

They were dazzled by my sprinkler, with its menacing, spinning skull, crossed swords and genuine fake doubloons. They asked where on earth I could've purchased such a treasure.

Target, I revealed, was the place where I had achieved such an item (for the low, low, not-to-be-missed price of $3.00).

Girl 1: I love target!

Kay: I love it, too.

Girl 2: I like the toy department at Target. They have the best toys there.

Kay: That's true. They do have great toys.

Girl 1: Why don't parents let kids have all the toys they want. They never give them everything they ask for.

Girl 2: I always want everything at Target, and my mom says, "No, no, no, you can't have that."

Kay: Well, your parents don't want to give you everything you want so you'll learn to appreciate the stuff you have.

Girl 1: Yes. People just always want everything. They can be so greedy.

Girl 3: Yes, that's true. Even I can, and I'm a princess!

And.... scene.