Crazy Crap Item #122: The part where Kristen goes to Dickens World, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. Also, this lovely description.

A report, from Kristen Freilich, on her recent trip to England's premiere new tourist attraction, Dickens World:

So on July 3 in the year of our Lord 2007, Shaun and I made passage to Dickens World, the premier vacation destination in the county of Kent (other than the historic docks of Chatham, which for all I can tell are...docks....but, older).

We hopped the tube to Char Crossing (or Crossing Char, I can never remember) and switched to the National Rail for an hour long ride to Chatham Station. The London suburbs looked a lot like the average burbs outside any other major American city. Than we took a one pound bus to Dickens World.I wasn't sure which bus to take as none of them said DICKENS WORLD on them, the way buses at the Magic Kingdom do. A bit of advertising *might* help. Each time a bus pulled up to the Chatham stop I would run up to it and ask the driver if their bus stopped at Dicken's World.

(door opens)
(Kristen runs up to bus)
Kristen: Does this bus stop at Dicken's World?
Bus Driver: (heavy sigh) No.

After the third try, we found the right bus! Finally a sign on the way there. Shaun and I agreed that Dicken's World should use the Wall Drug advertising schema...(Just 20 more Kilometres to Dicken's World!!). This would have prevented me from asking the driver (at each stop) if this was the Dicken's World stop. After 1.5 hours of traveling through English Countryside by rail and road, I was NOT about to miss Dicken's World because of poor signage.

Finally, we arrived at the historic docks of Chatham, where there were docks, a discount mall, and (trumpet sound effect) Dickens World, which promises the time of their lives! What did I think it would be like? I was hoping for an Oliver! sing along, or Oliver! singing contest!Tickets were $25 for adults, which is certainly less than Disney! Please note fabulous marketing flyer, which features Dickens in a boat with some of his beloved characters:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/krispe22/706731447/in/photostream/

We climbed a staircase from the very modern looking lobby and were then transported (through a door) to a very Dickensian world where everything was dark and wooden looking. We were greeted by a costumed wench who asked if we would like our photographs taken in Dickens garb. Dickens garb, for a man, means a chimney sweep costume and prop, which prompted Shaun to ask if Charles Dickens had written Mary Poppins.

I was FAR more excited about the photo than Shaun was.Then we were transported (through another door) into a very Dickensian world. Please note warning sign. This door opened into what looked like an extremely large Christmas Carol set, complete with alleys and shops:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/krispe22/731164094/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/krispe22/731163726/in/photostream/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/krispe22/731157264/in/photostream/

Two wenches (costumed characters) greeted us. I was hoping they would be all Dickensian and I could do my British dialect with them, and complain about that mean old Bill Sykes, but instead they just told us were the bathrooms and exits were. Then a costumed man ran up to Shaun and started drawing what looked like a beard on his face with a ball point pen. We asked what he was doing and he didn't answer- he just laughed and ran away.

Dicken's World has 2 floors. The first floor is the town and has a boat ride, a school room, and a haunted house. The second floor has a restaurant and a 4-D exhibit.

We first ventured on the boat ride which takes you around the entire theme park. There was no wait for the boat ride, but we passed signs that read "1 hour wait from this point, 30 minute wait for this point", etc. I bet they were DREAMING of the day were those signs come are appropriate.

The boat ride took us through the filthy Thames, where we witnessed an anamotronic boy urinating in an alley. There were no big splashes, no falls. During the final moments of the ride, spotlights came up on some really scary mannequins: Bill Sykes, Madame DeFarge, and finally Wet/Dry Vac. OH NO THE CURSED WET DRY VAC!

Next a visit to the Haunted House. It featured four stops, and at each stop a group of about 20 visitors peered from a hallway into a room where projections appeared via mirrors. There was no guide for the groups, so after the narration ended, we all kind of looked at each other awkwardly and shuffled to the next exhibit. We saw glimpses of characters from all novels in the projections. And they had about 100 fire extinguishers that were not masked at all. Is Dickens World really that flammable? How can it be that I have never noticed a fire extinguisher at Disney?

At the School House, we were finally spoken to by a real character. School Master, wearing a graduation robe and cap, yelled at us for being late and made us take our seats. I was horrified to find out that at each seat in the room there were TOUCH SCREENS where we could play SNAKES and LADDERS, a Dickens trivia game. TOUCH SCREENS? REALLY?? Then the school master yelled at us when we left, but I didn't care. The touch screens had broken my spirit.

Our last stop was the gift shop, where they had run out of adult sized t shirts. Apparently they didn't realize how popular Dickens t shirts would be, so I was forced to buy a Dickens World pencil. A Dickens World Pencil has Dickens World written on it and has a metal Dickens bust on the top where the eraser should be.

Upon leaving we were caught in a horrible thunderstorm, so we ran to the outlet mall for Burger King. Then Shaun bought some underwear at Marks and Spencer and I bought a 3lb bag of Misshapen chocolate at the Cadbury Outlet.

I had fun at Dickens World, but only because I think things that are kind of lame can also be fun. I'm not a fan of the Tony and Tina's interactive theater-type world, but Dickens World might be cooler if there were actual Dickens characters running around.

Cheers!

Kristen