Crazy Crap Item #26: The part where Eamon updates an old family tradition

I come from a family of bathroom readers. I grew up knowing the top of the tank was no place for fake flower arrangments, decorative sea shells or boxes of Kleenex. Sunset Magazine, Time Life's The Tower of London, Nancy Drew Mysteries -- I've read them all in the john.

But when it comes to lavatorial literature, the ne plus ultra of the Peterson can was always the World Book Encyclopedia.

Mind you, this is no ordinary encyclopedia. First off, it's written for children, so the articles contain many telling silences and intriguing circumlocutions to get around the off-color facts of real life.

Add to that the fact that our WB collection was purchased around 1970 -- and never replaced -- and you have yourself 22 volumes of alphabetized fun.

So when I make my yearly pilgrimage to the Peterson homestead, I immediately check the bathroom, and if there isn't a volume waiting, I head straight to the bookcase, select a World Book at random, and set it on the tank. By the end of my stay, it will be joined by two or three more.

Though a newcomer, Eamon has taken quite readily to this tradition. A bathroom reader himself, he has quickly grasped the value of outdated history and science delivered in 9th-grade-level bitelets. And I'm very proud to say that during our most recent visit, he managed to improve upon the tradition.

Shortly after we arrived at my parents' house, I took a bathroom break, stopping first at the bookshelf. I randomly selected volume D. Later that day, I returned to the 'reading room,' and found volume D splayed open, face up, on the tank. Now understand, this is not to form. One does not typically leave bathroom books open, so I sensed that something was up. Upon careful perusal, I found the entry for "Daly, Marcus" at the bottom of the page. Copper baron, Irish immigrant, recurring reference on HBO's Deadwood, Marcus Daly is also - rim shot - a near relation of my better half.

In this simple gesture, Eamon had augmented our family tradition by making it interactive and, ultimately, competitive. Because, clearly, I couldn't let it go at that.

So, for the rest of our stay, each trip to the john resulted in a message for the other, communicated by way of World Book. If I left behind a graph showing that venereal disease resulted in the highest number of innoculative injections in 1969, Eamon answered with an entry on "Living with High-Level Radiation."

But finally, I trumped him. I came across a reference that could have no equal. It cannot be captured in words. You must see it for yourself.